
I was a child myself when I had my first child, which perhaps is a story for another day. There are pros and cons to everything, but suffice it to say that entering motherhood at the tender age of 18, having another at 24, then being a single-mom for a few years nbefore adding my caboose at 34 has never allowed me much in the way of down time. I don’t regret for a moment all the time invested in my children. In fact, I often long to hit rewind and rock my babies to sleep once more. But with the understanding that there is precious little I have found more fulfilling and rewarding than being my kids’ mom, I have definitely felt a lack in my life of time for me. In fact, for most of us who are blessed to be called by that name (mom), “me time” is not even in our vocabulary, let along a blip on our radar screen.
But as I recently crested another hill in my life called the 40’s, a new concept began to tug at me with the persistence of a child at a mother’s apron strings. If you’re guessing that I wanted some “me time”, well, sort of.
A woman of wise counsel, of whom I’m blessed to call my spiritual mother, mentioned a while back that she goes away for a few days alone at the end of each year to seek God for His vision for the next. This resonated with me deeply. I would love to do something like that, but with children and holidays, how could I? Then it dawned on me that my birthday is my new year, and an idea began to take shape.
A week before my 40th birthday arrived, I did something I have never done before. I loaded my Jeep with the necessary supplies that included my Bible, journal, and keyboard, and headed East- alone. And I didn’t stop until I arrived on the far side of New Holland, Pennsylvania at the home of a retired missionary friend (another one of my spiritual mentors). Nestled in the woods just behind their home was my destination – Uppa’s Cabin – a 400 sq. ft. gem that was once home to her late father-in-law.
There is so much I would love to tell you that transpired over the next four days as I unplugged from the daily grind, social media, even my family, and just spent time abiding with my Lord. Although I came with the full intention of leaving my agenda out of it and simply listening to what God had to say to me, I must confess that I wrestled at first with two issues in particular that were heavy on my heart. God was so gracious in His willingness to shed light on those things first, giving me the peace I needed to lay them aside with a newfound confidence that those cares were safe in His, so I could then receive all that He had for me. We are told in Scripture that if we seek Him, we will find Him, if we seek Him with all of our hearts. That is what I was there to do, and wow, did He ever hold up His end of the bargain. A blog post is an inadequate place to share all that I would love to about those four precious and rich days I spent alone with God. There are some things that will forever just be between Him and I and others that I will most likely be speaking on as God gives me opportunities to share in ministry settings, etc… But I do want to tell you about something special that happened that weekend, that although may not seem like much, was very precious and wonderful to me.
On day two, I threw on my sneakers and went for a walk. Although I live only 10 minutes away (oh, didn’t I mention that?), this cabin is on the outskirts of town in what we refer to as the “Welsh Mountains”, and I don’t know my way around those back roads. After a few turns, I began to descend a hill when I caught a glimpse of the sun gleaming off a body of water. As a rounded a bend at the bottom, I was thrilled to find a small log cabin with white chinking that sat at the end of a lane on the far side of a large pond. It looked like I had just stepped back two-hundred years in history. I could see two people working outside, but unfortunately they were beyond earshot, or I would have definitely struck up a conversation. The temperature was in the high-70’s and the early June sun was glistening off the pond like diamonds as the wind rippled the water. Everything in me ached to go sit by that pond. Yet, I walked on.
As the following morning dawned, the song of birds woke me to a day as gorgeous as the former. After breakfast and time in God’s Word, I couldn’t resist retracing my steps of the day before. As I descended the hill again, I was astounded to see that I wasn’t the only one drawn to that beautiful place. I stood in awe, not caring that I looked like a creeper, and began taking pictures. Soaring above this magnificent setting with an air of majesty was a beautiful bald eagle.
As silly as this sounds, I felt like God was giving me a birthday present, and I was enthralled! Now I really wanted to sit by that pond! I lingered for a few more moments, but I knew I must go on. As I rounded the bend, I paused one more time to take in the simple grandeur of the setting, when a car coming down the road slowed to a stop, and an elderly woman put down her window. In my elation, I pointed up to the sky, and said, “Look! There’s an eagle up there over that pond. Look at this whole setting with the little log cabin, and this beautiful day… Isn’t it amazing?”
“Oh, I’m glad you like it”, she replied. “That’s my home. Hop in. I’ll give you a tour!”
I ended up not only making a new friend that day with a sweet and spunky 74-year-young widow, but at her invitation to make myself at home, I was literally able to sit by that pond all afternoon.
As I lay in the grass with my sneakers off and toes sinking into the cool mud, I felt so loved. I hadn’t even asked God if He would make a way for me to sit by that pond. As little of a thing as it was, He saw my desire and made it happen. I giggled like a child as I lay on my stomach splashing my hands in the water and digging stones out of the mud with my fingers. And just to prove all the more that this was no random happenstance – although my new friend told me she had never seen an eagle over her property before, what I first thought to be one eagle coming and going, ended up being four! I believe it was a mother with three of her young. I was even able to get a picture where they are all in the frame at once. (Look closely.)
It was simply glorious. Like David, my meditation of Him {God} was indeed sweet that afternoon as my mind rested on these familiar scriptures:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul… ~Psalm 23:1-3a (KJV)
and…
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. ~Isaiah 40:31 (KJV)
Admittedly, the first thing I did when I arrived at my friend’s cabin a few days before was sit down and weep. It wasn’t over any one issue but over the many billows that have rolled in (and at times over) my life throughout the last several years. Nor was it the first and likely not the last time my tears were spilled over present pressures and past wounds. This kind of weeping was more of a cleansing that needed to happen. I came with a heavy sort of weariness, and a desperate need for my soul to find not only restoration, but inspiration and direction as well. One by one, every single concern, fear, question, need, and hope I carried to that place was addressed. I’m still processing all that God showed me during that time. And like Mary Magdalene, having experienced the grace and love of my Teacher, all I want to do now is leave the dishes and sit at the feat of my “Rabboni”.
How about you? Does this sound like the romantic ramblings of a woman gone mad, or like the fresh cup of water that you yourself so desperately need to drink from? In Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV), Jesus said:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
What? You don’t have a friend with a cabin on the other side of town? Jesus’s half-brother James tells us in the book of Scripture that bears his name that “We have not, because we ask not”. So my friend, if you desire time alone with Jesus, ask. Maybe someone will offer out of the blue to take your children for a week like they did my friend right after I shared my experience with her, leaving her at home with time like she hasn’t had in years to breathe in the presence of God. Maybe you’ll get a beach house for a week. After all, God knows what makes you tick. Perhaps something that fills your time will suddenly be removed from your schedule (even feeling like a loss…at first). Maybe God will simply convict you that your schedule needs to shift so you can align your priorities placing Him at the forfront of each day to seek Him first. It seems like when we do this, things just fall into place for the rest of the day anyhow, doesn’t it? I don’t know what God will go about answering that request, but I know this: If you sincerely seek Him with all of your heart, He will never go back on His Word and leave you stranded.
Can I just encourage you; challenge you; even dare you to forget about the idea of “me time” and give God permission to override your busy schedule and draw you to Himself in a new way? If so, you too will experience the light that chases away the darkness from your path, know the rest He alone can provide for your soul, and experience the kind of love and delight only found in His presence.
You better believe I’ll be doing this again next year. I can’t wait to turn 41!
Confide in Me is a prayer in the form of a song that I wrote while in the cabin waiting to hear from God. I hope you make it your prayer as well.
Absolutely what I needed to hear, thank you Shelleen! My Mother in Law used to do that for Mother’s Day…it was her way to renew herself and come back home a new person 🙂
That looks like a little piece of heaven, definitely a gift from the Lord for being his faithful, daughter. So happy that you found a perfect way to celebrate Him, and in turn He celebrated you! You are such an sweet, loving friend and Mother!
Your last sentence really resonated with me: instead of “me time” instead give God permission to override your busy schedule and draw you to Himself in a new way. For me, to me, I was whispered, instead of “me time” I could instead change it to “Lord time.”
Isaiah 40:31 was my Mom’s favorite, made me cry and smile all at once to read it.
Thank you for sharing your weekend and posting your beautiful song!
xoxo,
Stacy
Mother’s Day…I hadn’t thought of that, but you are exactly right! She was a wise lady. We can only give what we have and are good to no one if we are running on fumes. Thanks for your feedback. So glad it was a blessing to you!